It has been a couple weeks since I last posted and the truth is I will probably be somewhat sporadic over the rest of the summer and early fall. This time of year I have very little “me” time. My wife is off for the summer, and I work six or seven days a week through October. I have trouble putting together coherent sentences in rooms full of distractions, and most topics I discuss here I don’t exactly want people looking over my shoulder while I am writing. On a side note I would like to thank “Working Through The Madness” and Fractured Angel for nominating me for awards. I will find the time to put a post together for that shortly.
It has been a crazy couple weeks. I have again been presented with a job opportunity that is creating a great deal of stress in my life. If I could have designed my dream job five or ten years ago this opportunity would have been very close, but things change and the time commitment and impact on my family is making it hard to get excited about. It is driving boats, but it is not fishing, and it is not what I really want to be doing right now. On the other hand there is no guarantee I will ever be able to go fishing again, and financially this job would be great for my family. After mulling it over for the past week I have decided there is no good decision to be made here. I will lose something no matter which path I choose. I hate decisions like this, and it sure seems as if my life has had a disproportionate number of them in the past ten years.
With all this added stress my anxiety levels have been pretty high, but I am surviving medication free. I am not sure surviving is the quality of life I am going for, but I think I am going to let it ride a little longer and see how things go. Without the chemical controls in place I have been learning a great deal about what increases my risk for anxiety attacks and have been working at cutting back on those things. It is the standard list, diet, exercise, fatigue, etc. Fatigue seems to be a major factor, and the one I have the least amount of control over with all the demands on my time right now, but I am doing ok. It would be nice to have a nice stable four to six months with no significant external stressors and see how life goes. Depression doesn’t seem to be a factor for me these days, though I am aware that prolonged high anxiety is going to make me more susceptible to a lowered mood so I am watching myself carefully.
I had gotten in the habit lately of posting some music to my blog so I will leave you with a song. It has no particular meaning to me, but the music and lyrics make me smile, and I find myself moving to the music and singing the words without thinking about. There are never enough things out there to make people smile, and I hope it puts a little shine it your day also…