Blogging Therapy

Two weeks ago I used the anonymous platform of this blog to rebel against one of my own long entrenched self defense mechanisms. I am sure to any readers that came across my post it didn’t seem like it was that big a deal. The truth is it didn’t seem like that big a deal to me either. I had heard a song that I really liked and I wanted to tell someone. I wrote at the time that music was something that I was never comfortable expressing my views about. I was afraid of the judgments of my peers, but I had realized that nobody in the blogosphere has any idea who I am so it felt safe. Too my surprise the post was well received and relative to my very small readership appeared fairly popular. After the first post I was feeling encouraged so last week I posted another song, and again folks seemed to like it. Tonight I graduated from my anonymous blog and posted something in a more public forum. It wasn’t music and it wasn’t controversial in any way, but I clipped a yahoo news article and linked it to my Facebook account. I have never done this before. On FB I have always been a lurker. I comment on very little for the same reason that I never tell anybody what music I like.

So did timidly putting my toe in the water on this blog cure my social anxieties and self confidence issues? No. Did it help? Absolutely. I commented a couple weeks back that I have noticed that with the medications all leaving my system a little bit of my old attitude seems to be returning. People used to comment before the depression and anxiety took over my life that I could always be counted on for an honest opinion. I didn’t really varnish the truth, but at the same time I was afraid to tell you what my favorite song was because I didn’t want to be judged. What a strange combination of personality traits.

I can say with certainty that this blog and those that read and comment on it have been unexpectedly therapeutic. I never expected this little digital space to have any real impact on my life, but as the weeks and months pass I am beginning to see connections between the issues I address here, and my ability to cope with those same issues in the real world. For this I am grateful.

I have been giving some thought to the direction I want to take this blog. The addition of the music posts has been both personally helpful and fun. Last week I posted some lifestlyle stuff that I also enjoyed writing. I imagine that I will air all that out on here in the future, but for now in the spirit of music, healing, and strength through adversity I leave you with this music video sent to me by an amazing 19 year old man and leukemia survivor. (I posted this to my Facebook also).

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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6 thoughts on “Blogging Therapy

  1. I couldn’t get through this without crying and laughing at the same time for a number of reasons. Just the power of the images is enough. But, I was just at one of the specialty hospitals three days ago with my littlest gal. She broke her arm in two places falling off a swing in our backyard. She has a poor “parachute” reflex which is common to ASD kids–they often have co-morbid OT issues. Anyway, she had to see a specialist in pediatric orthopedics, and she was fitted with a long-arm cast–all the way to her shoulder. Poor kid…Anyway, as we waited we saw kids that live there for months. And, I felt grateful that we were just there for a broken arm…it could have been so much worse. Also, dear friends of ours have a son who was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 2. He could have been one of the kiddos in that video. He’s all clear now, but it was quite a ride for all of them, watching that little boy deal with it…watching his parents….Cancer takes no prisoners. It is a scourge on humanity. Thank you for sharing this video. It makes me feel grateful…I could care less now that my girl had a huge tantrum in the middle of the arboretum today. Her cast was bugging her, and she couldn’t deal. Who cares…

    I’m glad you’re posting again. Glad you’ve found your strength. xo

    • Children’s Hospitals have a way of offering perspective. I was hesitant to post that video here because mental health sufferers are champions of minimizing their own illness. I was afraid folks would see the video and it would reinforce that “see… what do I have to be upset about?” mentality. On the other hand there is such inspiration in this video. The young man who sent me the video is 19 and in remission from his third go around with Leukemia. We had never met until a year after he received my bone marrow. His attitude towards life never ceases to amaze me. He is currently recovering from hip replacement surgery after just completing his freshman year of college; he wants to be a nurse. They will do the other hip next spring. His knees are also destroyed from the long periods on high dose steroid treatments. His oldest brother is also a childhood cancer survivor. His family is an inspiration.

      • I think it’s good practice in gratitude as well as good practice in not comparing illnesses. Just because you don’t have an illness that is visible doesn’t mean that you’re not in need of help. But, everyone needs a reminder that there are always things for which they can give thanks….always.

      • This young man coming into my life was such a blessing for me. I don’t like comparisons, and I know he is thankful I was in the registry, but while his life was saved in a literal sense mine is so much better and richer for knowing him. The take away is that yes there are always things for which we should be thankful.

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