Sweet Relief

After the previous nights torment I was exhausted when it came time to turn in last night. I was careful about caffeine and sugar intake in the afternoon, and tried to generally disengage from things as the evening wore on. I had a terrible headache but a couple Advil quieted that down, and my amazing wife saw to it that I got the previously mentioned endorphin rush just before lights out. The result was a blissful eight hours of sleep.

As I have gone through the day I have been feeling tired and am generally unmotivated. Either as a side effect of the antibiotic for the sinusitis or as a withdrawal symptom from the Klonopin my lower GI has not been my friend all week. Yesterday was particularly bad, and today everything is all gurgley (is that a word?) and on edge. I am done working for a week so hopefully that all works itself out before I go back on the road. Of course stomach upset and diarrhea are a couple of the daily physical symptoms I have dealt with for years so that might be hoping for too much. I have not had any real significant reoccurrence of the anxiety symptoms I was feeling Tuesday which I will take as a good sign.

Tomorrow I drop another step in my Klonopin dose. It is not a great day for that as Christmas Eve night involves a lot of time out of my house doing family things. I can feel myself tightening up a bit just writing about it so it should be fun. I have a way out and may just take it. This drop will leave me taking only a half a dose before bed, 25% of the daily dose I took for a decade. If all continues to go well next Friday at bedtime will be the last time I take any Klonopin. At this point I am sort of looking forward to it. The doctor swears I will feel like a new person once I am off the stuff and the withdrawal effects are gone. I feel like I might have gotten a glimpse of that yesterday. Other than the stomach upset and fatigue I felt really good. It was better than I remember feeling in a while. The only other change I have noticed is that I have been a bit more emotional lately. I have felt that emotion pushing up towards my tear ducts several times over the past week. That is not something that is “normal” for me.

Being home with my wife and child all week will make it very hard to write much. I will check in if I can but no promises. I hope everybody has a very merry Christmas, and survives the day unscathed.


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